On May 5, 1995, I got married.  I know, marriage is not an uncommon thing.  And, at that time, it did not feel extraordinary at all. However, I have to say that now, almost 25 years later, it is extraordinary.  I say that because I am a Cop’s wife.  Nothing anybody could have ever said would have prepared me for the life I entered.  I have told people over the years: it is a life like no other.  I don’t know of too many other professions that are pretty much their own culture. The Law Enforcement life is a way of life that I boldly say nobody understands unless they are in it.  

From the Beginning
In the beginning of our marriage, I was giddy in love with a handsome man who looked like a true hero in his uniform.  That French Blue shirt, dark blue pants with the light blue stripe down the side made my heart melt.  I was a teacher in the same city he was a police officer, and I showed him off every chance I got.  During those years, I was married to a handsome prince and life was good.  

Four years later, our first son came and then two years after that our second son came.  Yes, I was still married to a handsome cop, but now, I was staying home to raise my kids and my prince was barely home.  Life wasn’t as idyllic as the first few married.  He only had one weekend off every 4 or 5 weeks.  He was ordered into overtime many times.  I felt like a single parent.  

As the boys got older and into sports, I had people ask if I was married because they never saw my husband.  Juggling their schedules, trying to get back into the workforce, and having him gone started to stir resentment in me.  There were days he gave so much at work and I felt like we got the leftovers.  


I know that many people in other professions are working overtime. I know many people give over 100% to their jobs and go home completely spent.  The extraordinary of the Law Enforcement life comes in here.  What my husband was giving, what my husband was seeing, what my husband was keeping in with me and coworkers….that is what lends to the extraordinary.

I still did not have a full understanding of his work.  I just had a full understanding of my emotional reaction to his work.  I loved my husband and knew that resentment which turned into emotional distance was not healthy.  
  
The Turning Point
I bought the book, I Love A Cop, What Police Families Need To Know, by Ellen Kirschman, Phd.  And, we committed our lives to Christ and joined a church.  And, things got better.  The circumstances didn’t change, but both of our perspectives started to.  The Law Enforcement way of life was familiar to me.  It was a period of contentment, albeit a short one.

The year 2010 changed everything.  

In July, of that year, an officer in the same department as my husband, was shot and killed in the line of duty.  To say that my world was rocked is a gross understatement.  Here I was a Christian thinking as a Christian, life should not be going this way.  Isn’t it supposed to be good and free of stuff like this?  So, my faith wavered.  No, it left.  Anger and bitterness took over.  Then, the realization hit that, “Oh My God!  This really does happen!  Police Officers do get shot and killed.”  

Looking back, I was so naïve. The thought of someone I know getting shot and killed in the line of duty never entered my head.  I really believed subconsciously it would never happen.  And, not to a young, married father who served in his church and was liked by all. 

This extraordinary life just got more extraordinary.  It was a very dark time in our lives.  My husband buried his feelings and worked more.  I distanced myself from him and the chasm between us grew.  I realized that I did not want this life anymore.  I did not want this at all.  I didn’t sign up for this.  This pain was too much for me to handle.  I wanted it gone.  I wanted a divorce.  He did not.

We got into counseling.  We started talking.  I realized my love for my husband was deep.  We slowly came out of our pit and decided to stay married.  We started back in church and went sporadically.  I was trying to reconcile my mind with the fact that every time he walked out that door for his shift, there was a good chance he wasn’t coming back.  I was taking steps to get some peace with that thought. 
And then, August 9th, 2014 happened.

Today’s Policing Reality 
​The tide of policing took a profound turn that day and has never recovered.  The shooting in Ferguson, Missouri, changed so much for law enforcement.  However, I resolved to keep my eyes on God because through all of that, that is where my greatest peace came from.  I was not going to let the circumstances rock me like that again.  My only hope is in the Lord.  

I keep that hope in the forefront of my mind when I’m seeing what is happening in this country to our cops.  They are vilified in the media.  Emotion is what drives reports, not facts. There are cops who back off because they fear media backlash.  I have personally witnessed manipulation by the media that contributed to the negative spin that law enforcement is now subject to on a daily basis.  

I now only follow one police site on Facebook. I once followed all of the police sites, but that stole a lot of my peace.  Line of duty deaths happen every single year.  Assaults happen every single day.  I just read a headline that “Violence against the NYPD is exploding.”  People in the years following Ferguson, are “feeling more emboldened to act out against police officers.”  And why shouldn’t they? It’s mind blowing to read that that it is now a federal felony to attack an animal, but it is not a federal felony to attack a police officer.  And in Rochester, New York, police have come under attack.  Residents are opposing them and defying them.  So, what does the city do?  They pass a measure that let’s civilians discipline the cops.  The same civilians that defy them.  Many cities are anti ICE.  Do they not see that ICE is needed since many aliens are violent offenders?  I could go on and on.  

But, I will add that the media perpetuates the hateful rhetoric toward our cops and ranks them amongst the bottom dwellers of this society. Cell phones record everything and it’s edited to the detriment of the cops.  I believe this has led to more police suicides this year.  Misconstrued flaws and blatant lies are constantly shoved in their face and the police officers have little to no recourse.  The criminals, those people who break the law, have no fear of committing crimes anymore.  When they see governors, mayors, people running for office spewing hate toward cops, they know they are covered. Their life may be uncomfortable for a brief time, but they may ultimately have the upper hand.  


What I Want the World to Know About Police
I can speak to this because I live  it. Due to the cultural backlash towards Law Enforcement: it is having grave impact on them. But we must recorrect the narrative and redeem the hour.

Members of the Law Enforcement community are feeling defeated, broken, worthless.  The majority of them got into this profession to make a difference, to help people, to save people.  They have the same emotions and feelings as anybody.  They love.  They have compassion.  They have a love of this country and upholding the law that is meant to keep us all safe.  The good cops most definitely outnumber the bad.  But, you’d never know it by watching the news. 

The extraordinary life for us law enforcement families has taken on a new meaning. There is another layer or perhaps more layers.  Our spouse is not only dealing with the crazy shift work, the overtime created by lack of applicants, thus lack of cops, and the severity of the runs they are on; they are also dealing with criminals who are more bold, lack of public support and the media that is against them.  While I do personally think that more people support them than not, those that do are silent while the people against them use every platform to spew their hate. 

I live with all this new knowledge swirling in my head.  In the 25 years of a being a police wife, things have drastically changed for the worse. This has the ability to bring me down.  But, I won’t let it.  

This is why people like me - and you - have to speak up more and show the true side of the Law Enforcement heart and ambition. We have to shine a light on who they areally are. We need to expose how the lies in the media impact our men and women. And we must pray. 

I am grateful that my husband and I are grounded in our faith.  I am grateful that I know there is more than this world and that we are here on earth for a very short amount of time compared to eternity.  It’s that knowledge that keeps me peaceful.  I do get angry and I do want to see change in this country, to see more unity. My efforts are steered to praying.  I know that prayer is the greatest work. 
​
That handsome man I married back in 1995 is still handsome 25 years later and more importantly, he and I are unified and praying for our nation’s law enforcement officers and that the tide starts to turn in this country.  I can almost honestly say that I feel like that same giddy, newlywed.  I am grateful what living this law enforcement life taught me and I’m grateful that I have my husband on this incredible journey to share it with. 

You see the good stories.
You hear about the heroic encounters.
You experience their self-less sacrifice.
But what WE - who love and know Officers and what they do for us - need to do is TELL THEIR STORY MORE!

We need to inform the skeptics.
We need to inspire the silent.
We need to compel those who turn their back ... that THIS is a cause and these are men and women worthy of our support.

We need your help: keep your eye open for positive stories in your community of what Officers are doing on behalf of citizens. Nothing is too big or too small.

Then get the word to us in one of three ways:
Email us the story (address it to Paul) at [email protected]
Use this hashtag #PoliceWeekMichigan when you share it on a social media platform
TAG our Facebook page (Police Week Michigan)

TRUE servants don't like to brag on themselves.

But the men and women who wear the badge see every day good things that their colleagues are doing. So let's help them out -- let's be those who shine a line on the good, the great, the KIND THINGS they are doing.

And then let the naysayers sit back in silence or have their minds changed, "Wow. I never knew ..."
Will you help us? Be our eyes and ears in your community and help us shine a light on our heroes.
​
The world needs to know how GREAT Michigan Police are ... they are the golden standard and we are so proud that they are ours!